


Simply Would Not Do

by PadawanMine



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e22 The Wire, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29995320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadawanMine/pseuds/PadawanMine
Summary: Please take notice of the tags, this fic explicitly deals with suicidal ideation.Do not read this if you are affected by that topic.A classic post-Wire fic. Garak considers the reasons why he bothers staying alive.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	Simply Would Not Do

**Author's Note:**

> Still depressed, still taking it out on the characters.   
> Not particularly happy with how this one turned out but I wrote it and so it's getting posted.  
> Hope you angsty bunch enjoy <3

Looking down at the promenade from atop one of the walk ways, Garak had the fleeting thought that all it would take was two steps, a minor clamber over the rail and then his miserable existence would be over. So simple; just a short walk and then a longer fall. His fingers twitched involuntarily, reaching for-- something. Garak wasn’t sure if the aborted motion was intending to draw him closer to the edge or further away. 

He took two measured steps until the cool metal of the rail touched his front. The usual hubbub of people going about their business was strangely distanced, like looking at a scene through a viewport. 

What am I doing here? He asked himself, not for the first time. Here, on this forsaken space station, surrounded by people who rightly would rejoice in his death. Here, at this moment, contemplating jumping when he could be sharing lunch with the one person he cared about for a reason other than duty.

_ Pathetic,  _ the voice of Tain mocked.  _ Look what you’ve been reduced to, running away. _

Garak might have tried to justify his avoidance of Julian by calling it a tactical retreat but only a fool lied to themself. The truth was that he couldn’t deal with Julian’s inevitable kindness after everything. He had verbally abused and physically attacked the man. It would be easier if Julian would yell back, scream and shout and punch him. If they could be even with one another, then maybe Garak could move forward. But Julian wasn’t like that. And they could never be on an even footing. And Garak was left a mess. 

Garak sighed, a habit he’d definitely picked up spending so much time around humans and  took one step back from the barrier. He wasn’t suicidal. Not really. Not enough to do something about it. He’d pasted over the cracks in his sense of self-preservation with spite over the years. 

The Bajorans, Tain, Dukat, to name just a few, would relish his death and he couldn’t bear to give them the satisfaction. To allow them to believe that their petty lives and petty actions had influenced his own? No, he could not allow that. His death would make far too many people happy and that simply would not do. 

“Mr Garak.” 

Garak turned at the sound of his name. “Constable.”

There was a knowing look in Odo’s expression, a hint of pity or some other such tedious emotion which made Garak want to squirm and lash out in equal measure. He pressed his lips together, knowing that discretion was the better part of valour in that moment. 

“Don’t you have a regular engagement at this hour with Dr Bashir?” Odo asked. “I believe he was looking for you.” 

Garak took the offered out for what it was.

“My goodness, is that the time?” he exclaimed. “I must be going! Good day, Odo.”

Well… if he definitely wasn’t going to jump, he might as well attend lunch. 


End file.
